If you are reading this right now, chances are you probably have a MySpace or a facebook. Internet profiles are an awesome way to let your friends know what’s up with you, but did you know that when you post ANYTHING on the internet, the entire world has access to it? Girls are posting sexually enticing photos of themselves, guys are posting explicit songs on their homepage, and who knows what videos or photos other people are posting of you.

SO yes! Share photos of you and your friends and connect and network with people, but if it’s not something you’d want a future employer to look at…maybe think twice before clicking the “post” button.

Would you run a race to lose? NO. Would you get married to get divorced? NO!

For any of you who want to get married someday (according to the CDC, over 2 million people get hitched every year) abstinence is your ticket to a life-long, committed, monogamous and faithful marriage! “Huh?” you say?

Remaining abstinent until marriage develops self control that a marriage takes to work, strengthens the love that only wants the best for the other person, and builds the character you need to be the best husband or wife that makes a happy and healthy marriage. (If you’re still skeptical or curious email me. JillianB@myReL8.com)

PLUS, married couples who waited to become sexually active until marriage reported having a happier, healthier lifestyle and a more satisfied sex life than couples who did not wait.¹

One more point scored for Abstinence!

^1.David B. Larson, MD, NMSPH, et al, “The Costly Consequences of Divorce: Assessing the Clinical, Economic, Public Health Impact of Marital Disruption in the United States,” National Institute for Healthcare and Research, Rockville, Maryville. (1994): 84-85

Hurray! You’ve chosen to save yourself for that one special person on that very special day. Wedding Day, 20??

even though you’re not going all the way, you’re still messing around, having intimate contact, kissing, cuddling…

One problem…all of that one-thing-leads-to-another intimate contact releases a hormone called oxytocin. This one-of-a-kind chemical creates a glue-like feeling between two people I like to call stickiness. Having ANY kind of sexual contact with another person sticks them together and creates a bond that will last you the rest of your life.  Yep, that’s right…it’s yours to keep. Variations of bonding include: comparisons, flashbacks, STDs, children, low self esteem…

Oxytocin attaches you to someone else who you might not want to be attached to for the rest of your life. So when that very special day comes (Wedding Day, 20??), do you want other people’s stickiness to be stuck to you?

 

So…what about ‘safe sex’?

Condoms are NOT an end all cure all. Condoms are made of latex. Latex thinner than a rubber glove that doctors wear to perform surgery. Do you really want to entrust your life to a piece of latex thinner than a latex glove?

 
FACT: HPV (Human Papillomavirus - which causes genital warts and cervical cancer) is the most commonly transmitted STD today. HPV is transmitted from skin-to-skin contact.
WARNING: Condoms do not provide complete protection against skin-to-skin contact during sexual contact.

FACT: HIV is an incurable disease. 1 out of 3 infected people don’t even know they have it.
WARNING: Condoms have an average of a 31% failure rate in preventing the transmission of HIV from in infected to an uninfected partner.

FACT: Over 2,000 teenage girls get pregnant every day.
WARNING: 10% of women get pregnant while using a condom during intercourse.

DANGER: Condoms break, slip off, leak, and can even have holes in them.
Don't you think if 'safe sex' were the way to go, that more condom use would equal lower disease rates and teen pregnancy rates?

ABSTINENCE: the ONLY 100%, NO fail, have-some-peace-of-mind way to avoid getting an STD or getting pregnant.

Facts taken from: McIlhaney, Joe S. Jr. M.D. SEX what you don’t know can kill you 1997.

 

Since ABC Family’s new show ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager’ just won the Teen Choice Award for “Choice Summer TV Show,” I can’t help but wonder if teens are finally going to get a dose of some REALity in a television show featuring drama days of teens.

Even I get so into this show that I I’m finding myself yelling at the screen at Amy to tell her mother she is pregnant! How can a girl go through something like that on her own?

I’m telling you…your parents are your friends when it comes to tough decisions and helpless times. Go to your parents or a trusted adult and ask for help.

Could we possibly have a positive role model that lasts beyond her teen years? Miley Cyrus seems to be following the same footsteps as other young teen pop stars claiming to save sex until marriage but who still struggle to keep a squeakly clean image. 

"Discussing why she wears a purity ring -- a piece of jewelry meant to symbolize one's belief of no sex until marriage -- Cyrus cites her peers as motivation. "Even at my age, a lot of girls are starting to fall, and I think if [staying a virgin] is a commitment girls make, that's great," the 15-year-old 'Hannah Montana' starlet said."

"But when it does come to interaction with boys, Cyrus says she likes to think of herself as "the girl that no one can get, that no one can keep in their hand."  That doesn't exactly sound like a girl who wants to keep the attention away.....

Despite the racy photos and seeming flirty comments, is 'Hannah Montana' still the sweet girl we know and love?  Is Miley still role-model worthy after all the scandal? What do you think?

Why is it that our culture can put so much emphasis on the “don’ts” of this world and leave out the one “don’t” that has such a significant impact on your life? Don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t drink and drive, don’t wear that unflattering swim suit, don’t overdo it on the carbs… Yes! All important rules to live by but what about DON’T HAVE SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE!?! How did that “don’t” get lost in the book of rules?

A famous author once wrote “ Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.” This is so true! But so hard to do. From my own personal experiences it is usually easy to think of the right decisions to make in difficult times but hard to actually carry them out when you are stressed, upset, scared, lonely or when your confidence has been shot. Sometimes life throws curveballs at us. Do we walk away off of the playing field or do we take the risk of staying in the game and doing our best even though it’s going to be hard? Sometimes there are a lot of people watching you and that is why it’s hard to make the decision. Other times there is no one else there. Will you still make the right decision even if no one is there to cheer you on? Stay in the game! Keep trying! Do what’s best even if that means facing the truth may sting a bit! PLAY BALL!

I’ll be the first to admit that yes, I’m a fan of pop music. Who doesn’t want to unleash your inner rockstar in a homemade music video with a Guitar Hero controller strapped around your neck?  But come on… what kind of message is Katy Perry’s No. 1 song “I Kissed a Girl” (which is at the top of the charts) sending to teenagers?

School is out for the summer! Road trips, flip flops and sunglasses that cover way too much of my face are in the near future…whoo hoo!

What are you going to do this summer? The fondest memories I have of summer are with my best friends and I getting way too tan at the beach, goofing off at the mall and adventuring into the woods on a hike. Take advantage of being young and free to have fun! Spend lots of time with your friends hanging out at the pool or exploring uncharted territory. Why not even make a list of completely off-the-wall things to do in the summer.  I’ll even get you started:

1.       Skee-ball tournament

2.       Make your own clothes (or decorate some you already have)

3.       Plant a garden

4.       Learn to do a back flip

5.       Camp out in your backyard

And don’t forget to take lots of pictures…

I changed the part in my hair this week, and after it being in the same spot for over 5 years, it’s really throwing me off. I’m having to consciously ask myself, “what eye do I usually put my mascara on first?” I know it sounds silly but when you get into a habit of doing something, it feels weird to change all of the sudden. It’s hard to get used to something new.

If you are in a habit of being sexually active, it’s probably going to feel a little abnormal to abstain from any kind of sexual activity at first. But the best way to start something is just to start right? Even if you’ve already messed up you can still choose abstinence!

Changing your hairstyle is a lot different than changing your lifestyle but both are doable. It might take some getting used to but the reward is so worth the challenge.

What’s the difference between being in love and being infatuated? If you are concerned about your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend being healthy or not, ask yourself if it’s characterized by true love or obsession. Here’s how to tell:

 

Infatuation is instant desire. Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his or her presence even when he or she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him or her nearer, but near or far, you know he or she is yours and you can wait. Infatuation says, "We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!" Love says, "Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence." Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end - in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers. Infatuation lacks confidence. When he or she is away you wonder if he or she is cheating. Sometimes you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels that also and that makes him or her even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will. Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person. – Project Reality’s Game Plan

 

If you are infatuated, you are probably thrilled but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. Most infatuation relationships are centered on sex and somehow being with them is not complete unless it ends in some kind of sexual encounter.

 

Don’t get confused. Don’t settle for a temporary obsession that will only set you up for physical or emotional disaster.

“Love is like oxygen. Love is a many splendid thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love… “ I suppose Christian (Ewan McGregor) in “Moulin Rouge!” has the right idea about love, but why?

Love is not just a feeling. Love is an action that requires effort to show someone that you love them. How is someone going to know you love them by the butterflies in your stomach? In order for someone to know that you love them, you’ve got to do more than just say those three words. Your words have got to line up with your actions. You’ve got to show them by encouraging them, helping them when you know they need help, spending time with them, giving them gifts, or giving them a pat on the back (or maybe a hug =)). The feelings of love come as a result of the action of love.

So how do you know if you’re “in love?” Take a look at how they treat you and how you treat him or her. Are you in love or are you infatuated?

Why is it that teenagers are constantly getting stuck in unhealthy relationships? Is there a rule that says if you’re a teen you’ve got to have at least one unhealthy relationship?

 
First of all what’s the difference? Is a healthy relationship characterized by rudeness, selfishness and manipulation? NO! Is a healthy relationship revolved around sex where as long as there is sex being had then that is good enough? NO!

So often girls give sex to get love and guys often give love to get sex. This is a form of manipulation that characterizes an unhealthy relationship.

If you’re only with that person because you fear being alone, or because of your history together, or because you don’t think anyone else will have you, I’m sorry to tell you that you’re probably in it for the wrong reasons. Don’t waste your priceless freedom being stuck in the mud with someone who isn’t making you a better person.

A healthy relationship is characterized by loving yourself first so you can love the other person more than yourself…the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.

A healthy relationship is characterized by sweet companionship, similar goals and dreams, respect and love. What is love? That is a whole other blog. Tune in next week…

There is no question that sex sells and that the message the media is sending to teens about sex is it’s no big deal. Just take a look at the lyrics to Mariah Carey’s new song, “Touch My Body.” “Touch my body, hold me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more, touch my body, hold me on the bed I just want to make you feel like you never did…”
Yeah songs like this have great beats and they’re entertaining (they’re called “pop”ular songs for a reason) but teenagers need to realize that the message they are sending is that sex is a casual thing and everybody does it. Which is not true at all! The main goal of the music industry is to make money. And how are they going to do that? By targeting an audience that spends a TON of money each year on music…teenagers.
So what? Well…maybe you don’t think that the media influences you, but how is the media influencing your friends? Perhaps music is affecting the way you think about sex.

Well….any type of genital contact is considered sexual activity. There is a reason why the word “sex” is in the term “oral sex!”
“But I can’t get pregnant from having oral sex…what’s the big deal?” Let’s not forget about all those other SERIOUS consequences of sex before marriage, including STDs…
Oral sex has been found to spread syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV/AIDS, genital herpes and Chlamydia. If left untreated, many of these STDs can lead to further health problems like infertility, internal organ damage and birth defects. In fact, human papilloma virus (HPV) can even lead to mouth and throat cancer!
Not to mention all the emotional trauma caused by the broken bond created by sex. Who really wants to go through a broken heart and risk feeling used or becoming depressed?
So many people don’t think of oral sex as being sex, but bottom line: is having oral sex practicing abstinence?
The only 100% way to avoid negative consequences of sex before marriage is to remain abstinent until marriage and then marry an uninfected partner.

So… do stars like LC and the cast of Real World worry about an unplanned pregnancy or getting an STD? I am just wondering because just like any other person, they face the same risks and dangers as anyone else who is sexually active. Reality TV is often not so real, but part of the popularity of those shows is that many of the people on them go through one relationship after another. Just because the glamour of Hollywood is in their faces 24/7, doesn’t mean that the contestants that make ‘Newport Harbor’ look fabulous are not putting themselves at risk for the physical, emotional, mental and social consequences of sex outside of marriage… I spend a lot of time talking to teens about how we need to separate the media from reality, but how can we do that with shows that are supposedly real?! It would probably be easy to get caught up in the glitz and popularity of being on TV, but the only real thing about these shows is that many of the cast members are taking a chance at facing some harsh realities that are not so glamorous.

Why is it that we think that ‘everyone’s doing it’ when it comes to teens and sex? Teens and adults alike seem to think that young people have no self control and couldn’t possibly say no to sex before marriage. However, contrary to popular belief, most teens these days are NOT having sex. Maybe these false perceptions are exactly why so many teens go ahead and become sexually active in the first place. If young people think that they are being left out of something or that their friends are experiencing something that they are not, then maybe they will feel like they HAVE to do it too. Let’s face it, peer pressure is one of the hardest parts of being a teenager and if you feel like all of your peers are ‘doing it’ then it may be harder for you to say no…
It is a fact that many teens have never had sex at all and the ones who have, often regret it. Seriously, not even half of teens across America are having sex, so where does that idea come from? Is it because we see all of our favorite TV and movie stars having sex or is it because most popular music says that sex is ok? Is it because parents say, “they are going to do it anyway”? Whatever the reason, many teens are getting duped into believing that ‘everyone’s doing it’ when that is simply not the case.
What do you think? If you believe most teens are having sex, where did that impression come from?